Hope
by morgan kingsley
Summary: Ken gives a reflection of what made him truly lose hope in life


Ken was sitting along alone in a desolate like room. As he was doing so, he was thinking a lot on the things that were going on in his life. Not really one thing in particular. He hated thinking about things in particular. He lacked a linearity that it required to do something like that.

Instead he was thinking of a bunch of different things. Such as hope. That was the main one that he was thinking about. Such as what had made him even lose hope to begin with? There were a lot of answers that he could have made to that question, but he was not really sure if any of them were correct answers. But as long as he was there, he could at least try.

Was it the time when his brother had called him a queer that one time? It would not have been that since he had not even known what that word had meant when he was just nine years old and that was back in the fifties. It was nothing to be offended over.

Had it been when he had been told that he would never get accepted by that one jerk in the last weeks of fifth grade to help make the school year end off on a really terrible note? That would not be the case since if it were not for him, then he would have never been able to go to Wayside, and him going to Wayside was the only thing that finally gave him some hope once again in his long, miserable life.

Could it have been when Sam forced him to work for 1.25 an hour in the sixth grade to force him to get the money he needed to buy gifts for his fellow classmates before Winter Break? It wasn't that since it was his time getting any sort of a job, despite only being for one week and for a terrible wage and he was still able to get the respect of Jenni as a result of it and the respect of Jenni was worth every single bit of painful work that came along with it. That was for sure.

Had it been when Ken tried to tell Jenni that he liked her but then found out that she was dating Diana's brother instead and then Ken had to hold it inside? No, since the next year he had the courage to and he helped her through the break up and his best friend at the time was able to give him some advice that brought him and Jenni closer together even if it was just for the seventh grade year of school.

Was it when Ken had taken his finals for his sixth grade year and only got a D on them? That was pretty close since that was the first time that he not only failed his brother or family, but the people that he had started to care about at Wayside. That was the first time that Ken had felt like he had really messed up badly. However, he had not lost all hope since there was the next school year.

Maybe it was the time Ken had told Todd that there was no such thing as hobbies and that Todd was stupid for thinking they exist and Todd almost seemed like he had given up on Ken? That was not really even a bad moment. Todd was just a new friend of his after all, and besides it did get him to have a hobby for that school year with him writing that black notebook that was sort of like a journal that had reached over 300,000 words in length.

How about when in the Halloween party he and Jenni had finally been able to get their first kiss only to be cut off by that man in the purple jacket who would go on and ruin his life forever? That might have been his first moment he lost some hope. After all, this guy would be around for as long as possible from that point forward only to mess it up. However, he had not known any better then. So it just seemed like a badly timed moment.

What if it was when Todd told him that he spent the night with Diana at Halloween at the Thanksgiving dinner and then acted like it was the best thing ever in the world to do so and that Ken was missing out on everything ever? No, that just made Ken jealous that Todd in a way had more game than him and he had only been a student there for about three or so months. However, they were getting close to his losing hope moment.

Could it be at the time in which Diana started to tell Ken that he was the only person that she could trust after she found out the truth from Todd? That moment had broken him, seeing her so sad and devastated over the fact that Todd had done the things he did, but that was not what made him lose hope. That was what made Diana lose hope and made Ken have to try and give it back to her once again.

Or could it be the time in Winter Break when that man in the purple jacket came along and absolutely ruined every single bit of enjoyment that could have come along from that party by coming in and breaking Ken's arm and made him have to go to the hospital? That doesn't fully count since at least then Steven came along and joined the group and helped them come with plans to defeat the man later on if he showed up again. The warmth of his friends had made everything sort of worth it in the end.

One of the final times Ken could think up of is when Byron had been kidnapped by that man in purple about a month after that whole thing? That would be a bad moment to pretend he lost hope because at least then Byron came back with the help of the group and when he came back he finally started to act like a real class president and by doing so, became somewhat competent and somebody Ken could imagine actually having the job.

While Ken finally realized what it was that made him lose hope, one of the moments that led to it was when Byron had refused to let him be his running mate for class president and then he went with Todd instead. This made Ken realize that nobody really relied on him and the fact that this guy relied on a guy who had been at the school for less than a year made Ken feel like there was no need for him to be around for anything.

The real moment though was when he had dropped out of Wayside to make Todd stay at the school instead at the end of seventh grade. This killed all hope and happiness that he ever had because the moment he left the school was the moment in which he had to deal with the terrible reality of the world and that he would not be able escape it anymore. He also lost all of his friends then. He would find brief moments of friendship here and there, but nothing like Wayside school and the people there gave him. This was also when Sam really started to show his colors of being a brother who only cared about discipline over affection.

As Ken had thought of this there was a noise a few feet away. Ken raised his head a little bit and saw that the door had opened. "My lord, Devimon is requesting a presence with you." As the digimon who came in the room said that, Ken got out of his chair and grabbed the gas mask that he wore every time he went out of there and put it on his face. Once again bringing on the face of terror that had been haunting the digital world for over thirty years. He walked out of the room and down the hallway all the way until he saw Devimon at the end of the hallway and when he got a few feet from Devimon he saw Devimon barely contain a gulp of fear.

"Have you failed your mission again? You were told to not come here unless you had information for me."

"I have come here to tell you that seven humans have come to this world. What should I do about them?"

As Ken heard that, he had a brief pause. For a moment, he couldn't figure out what to say. There was a short moment of him regaining his lost hope, but then he lost it right away as he commanded Devimon once again.

"Kill them all. They don't need to be here." Ken said and then walked away from the meeting room and Devimon sighed in relief as the terror of the digital world was away from them.


End file.
